How we each see the world is different. No two people perceive the same situation in the same way. Even when you have videos of what happened, there will be different views of the events – that’s the difficulty with perception, and it impacts both your relationships and your communication.
Recognising how your (and everyone else’s) view of the world impacts our experiences is essential to resolving conflict. Without it, it’s almost impossible to understand where the other person’s coming from, or why they might see things differently. It changes how you connect with people, how you speak with them, how well you appreciate why something is important for them, and therefore whether you can work through a particular issue.
It isn’t just the people in conflict who need to consider perception either. As a mediator or investigator of a situation, you also need to be aware of your own perception and be mindful not to allow your own assumptions to impact subsequent actions. Once you recognise the effect of different perspectives, you can then understand where the conflict originates and ask better questions to facilitate a resolution.
Why perceptions matter
One minute everything seems fine, the next you have a complaint on your desk from employee Y. He says manager X is bullying him. Where did it all go wrong? From what you see, the team gets on well, so what have you missed and how can you address it?
The answer is often linked to people’s perception, so you ask the question.
Manager X explains employee Y was struggling with how to do a new task. He tried to do it himself, but just couldn’t grasp the formulas he needed in Excel. To help him, Manager X stepped in to offer advice and guidance. She’s checked in occasionally since to see how he’sgetting on and find out whether he needs more support. He says no, but appears quite stressed (or at least, that’s how Manager X sees it).
When you ask employee Y, you get a very different response.
Manager X took over the task. She didn’t ask where he was struggling or why, just made all the changes herself, so he learned nothing. Now, employee Y is being checked on all the time, not just for anything Excel related, but for everything. There’s nothing ‘occasional’ about it. The ‘checking in’ is relentless. He can’t even go to the toilet without asking.
Ok, it’s possible the last sentence is a little flippant, but it’s clear this incident has significantly impacted their relationship and the result is two very different views about the same scenario.
Understanding these opposite viewpoints is key to resolving the issue.
Using perception to address conflict in the workplace
When you have a conflict situation at work, it isn’t just the main players you need to consider. There are many perceptions which will influence your understanding:
– The manager and employee already have different views; you know that just from brief conversations with each of them
– You have your own perception – perhaps you’ve spoken with the manager before and have already decided which version is likely to be closer to your view of the truth
– Other colleagues who may have observed the two together each have their own thoughts on what’s been happening too. Perhaps they’re pro-management or up for promotion and don’t want to make waves. Maybe they had a similar experience with someone else which triggers their own concerns about micromanagement.
The more complex the situation, the more perspectives you’ll encounter. Yet being aware of them is the secret to reaching a solution.
Recognising that different perceptions exist allows you to ask better questions to get to the root of the issue. It also helps you build the bridges where you need to, so communication can be repaired.
Challenging assumptions to get a resolution
When you’re dealing with workplace conflict you need clarity regarding the potentialassumptions you’re dealing with (your own and everyone else’s), so this is a good place to start. Work out which aspects are potentially creating bias and encourage the relevant people to follow these three steps. Ask them to:
1) Self-reflect: What assumptions are you making about this conflict situation? Do you have preconceived ideas about the topic or any of the parties involved? Is there anything happening outside work which might impact the action you’re currently taking?
2) Talk it through: Now you’ve shared some of your assumptions, what alternativeviewpoints might there be? What would be the opposite of how you’re thinking? How could you re-frame that? Give them the opportunity to work through their own challenges, so they can (hopefully) be more open to other suggestions.
3) Be empathetic – Try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Can you see where they’re coming from, even if you don’t agree with all of it? What are the things which you might have do differently next time to get a different response?
Accepting perceptions which differ from your own can be difficult. Some people find it relatively easy, for others it may simply not be possible. The key is at least getting acknowledgement that different viewpoints exist.
Even if people can’t see them, this often provides a great starting point to get them talking. That’s when you can look to the future, agree next steps, and work through how to mitigate the same situation happening again.
Are you ready to resolve the issue?
As HR professionals or as managers, you’re often the one who’s expected to navigate the challenges of grievances, bullying and any broader conflict situations. Yet, if you don’t deal with this scenario often, it can feel overwhelming.
You know you need a solution, but sometimes you lack the confidence to make that happen.
Alternatively, the people involved could be within your own team, be very senior, or be a friend of yours. In that situation, it can be much harder to be aware of your own perceptions, and you may need to consider outsourcing to an experienced mediator or investigator.
At the HR Detectives, your issue is our problem. Working through conflict situations and asking the right questions to get to the root of the issue is exactly why we’re here. Just call the HR Detective hotline on 01278 802329 or email debbie@thehrdetective.co.uk, and let’s find out how I can help you.
