How often have you had a long argument with someone, only to realise later it was all a misunderstanding. They didn’t think you were being rude, they were commenting on the other guy’s behaviour. Too late now. You reacted badly, said a bunch of things you probably shouldn’t have, and now you have a few bridges to mend. You aren’t alone.
Workplace conflict isn’t always the result of a major dispute. Perhaps someone felt ignored in a meeting. Maybe someone else was having a bad day and was unnecessarily harsh when delivering feedback. Maybe, they’ve got things going on at home and an off-hand comment triggered them. Whatever the cause of the issue, the important thing is finding a way to resolve it.
Reframing is an approach you can use to identify different perspectives, adjust your language and move towards resolving the issue. So let’s find out more about how it works.
What reframing is
Reframing is a way of trying to view a situation differently. Using techniques like active listening, you can ask questions, check your understanding of a situation and look for alternative perspectives from your own. It sounds simple, but it can be a hard skill to master as it requires you to take a step back from your emotions and seek to understand someone else’s.
In the workplace, it’s a useful way to reduce conflict. By changing the language you’re using or asking specific questions, you can minimise misunderstandings as people are encouraged to challenge their own perception of what is, or what they think is, happening
Why reframing matters
Nothing will ever completely remove conflict in a company, and some conflict is healthy like debating ideas for process improvements. Where reframing helps however, is in providing a way for managers and employees to communicate more effectively. Without it, conflict escalates, people stick to their views and things fester. It becomes harder to say sorry or find alternative ways forward.
Four benefits of reframing a situation
Seeing another person’s view: You may not agree with the ideas and perspectivesbeing presented, but being able to recognise they exist is an important step towards resolving the conflict.
Less blame, more problem-solving: When all anyone can see is disagreement,emotions heighten. Blame gets attributed and increasing numbers of people get upset. Reframing shifts the discussion back to creating productive working relationships.
Improved productivity: Workplace conflict can grow fast. What starts as a falling out between two people, quickly pulls in teammates, friends, and beyond. Reframing helps explore alternative viewpoints, finds common ground, and gets the rumour mill back to work.
Collaboration over competition: encouraging people to reframe and acknowledge other viewpoints develops a more flexible approach to work. People start looking for ways to work together with other teams, drawing on the best ideas, rather than trying to beat the “competition”.
Learn how to change your approach
You’ve been in the situation – you make a single comment and before you know it you’re either adamant it’s your way or the highway, or you’re burying your head in the sand hoping the situation will just go away.
Seeking help through conflict coaching or mediation can help. These approaches offer waysto improve your self-awareness and give you an impartial perspective as you take yourself back to a situation, (or one you’ve observed) and objectively consider the following:
- What was happening?
- Who was involved?
- What was the outcome?
- Why did you react that way?
- Why did they react that way?
Often, in these scenarios, once it’s started, conflict can be very hard to contain. Even if it started small, things escalate rapidly. Try using these four steps to help next time (even if initially you need to do it with hindsight):
Ask yourself questions
What’s happening? What emotions are you feeling? Why are you feeling like that?
Most people have learned responses in certain situations (your conflict profile) so think aboutwhat you’re doing, why and what else is happening for you? Just stopping yourself to ask ‘what’s happening’ can be powerful. It makes your next step, or comment, a conscious choice so stop to work out what’s going on.
Summarise and repeat back
People don’t always say what they mean, especially when they’re angry, upset, or embarrassed. Equally you won’t always correctly hear what they say. The difference is miscommunication. Use summaries to check you fully understand the situation.
If you do, the other person will likely appreciate you checking. If you don’t, it helps both parties to know that so you can work through the misunderstanding together.
Be empathetic
Very strong reactions can be a sign there’s something else going on. Slow the situation down and take a moment to check in. Is the other person ok? Are you ok? Is there something else happening you or they don’t know about? Do you need to provide support for that and shelve this conversation for now?
Asking questions and showing genuine empathy can have a huge impact on people’s reactions. Sometimes all people need is to know someone’s listening and for them to feel heard.
Use active listening
A key element of reframing is listening to what’s actually being said, not just hearing what you want to hear. Being attentive, making notes, looking up to make regular eye contact, and asking relevant questions all help reduce conflict. Recognising stress or anxiety in either yourself or the other person, for example, can help you adapt your approach. Rather than being argumentative or insistent, you can switch to understanding, supportive and kind.
Getting help when you need it
Reframing and understanding your conflict profile is a skill which takes time. You’re unlikely to jump straight into your next conflict situation and resolve it without a hitch. What you must do, however, is make a start. You’ll only get better at reframing when you practice it, so start now.
There will still be some situations which you aren’t equipped to deal with. They may be more complex, more disruptive to the business, or involve more senior team members. For those situations, you may try to reframe, but often what’s needed is a fresh, impartial, pair of eyesto help you and your colleague(s) see things differently or gain better understanding. In this case, an external mediator is best placed to support the conflict and work through to reach a resolution.
The HR Detectives offer accredited mediation services and conflict coaching for dealing with complex situations you don’t have the time, or some of the skills, to handle. Just call the Detective Hotline on 01278 802329 or email debbie@thehrdetective.co.uk to receive advice and support to address your issue.
