Serious workplace conflict can rarely be solved internally. Often, the best option is to seek external support so the parties involved can share their true feelings, and work towards a resolution which is right for them and free from management influence.
Engaging a mediator offers someone who’s impartial and who can pose courageous questionsto help those involved have a courageous conversation and feel able to make make informed decisions about their next steps. It facilitates people taking ownership for their actions,because mediators can ask questions internal colleagues can’t. This blog explores how the questions they ask can differ, and why that matters to your business.
What is mediation?
Workplace mediation is a structured process which seeks to gather input from all parties involved in conflict and work together to achieve an agreed resolution. It’s confidential, voluntary and held on a without prejudice basis, which means the details cannot be used in other procedures or tribunals.
In some cases, it’s conducted internally by a trained individual who’s not linked to the people involved. For example, if two colleagues fall out and it impacts their relationship, a trained mediator from HR may be asked to intervene and help get them talking and working together again. While this may get people talking, it isn’t always an accurate example of mediation.
People may feel compelled to take part, or feel that once they’ve agreed to talk, they can’t change their mind. Not so with an external mediator.
Any externally accredited mediator is not only bound by the terms of the mediation agreement (which sets out details of confidentiality), they’re also bound by ethical codes of conduct. So, while they can ask different questions, they can’t disclose any of the details of their sessions without explicit agreement from the attendees. This is what allows truly honest and meaningful conversations to take place.
Questions mediators may ask
Obviously, the specific details will vary according to each case, but there are various questions an external mediator might pose which could create risk or upset if they were asked internally:
What do you really want out of this?
When asked internally, people worry answering it honestly might create a problem with their manager, or flag them as someone who’s ‘difficult’.
An external mediator can ask the question for a genuine answer. Your response doesn’t leave the room, so you can be completely transparent about what you want or need and allow yourself to work through why that might be and what it might look like.
Is this the best place for you?
Sometimes this is a great question to ask, but if you ask as an internal mediator and it turns out they want to leave, it can cloud your judgement (or make you unconsciously seek ways to make that happen). As a result, the individual might feel pushed out, or believe you’ve followed an unfair process if several months later you exit them from the business.
What are your other options?
You can’t ask this internally.
Unless, for example, you’re reviewing redeployment options as part of redundancy or a medical capability issue, it often isn’t appropriate to talk about alternatives. You can’t always have an honest conversation about where else someone might go.
You also can’t explore the pros and cons of a formal grievance, or the real implications of a tribunal claim if they’re unsure about proceeding to joint mediation. An external mediator,however, can openly ask what they feel would be the better option for them. They can help the individual work out what they really want.
Why did you come to this session?
If you’re using an internal mediator, often the answer will be ‘because I had to’. External mediation is voluntary. No-one has to attend, and no-one has to stay. People can get halfway through a process and then withdraw with no judgement and no penalty. Being honest that you’re only in an internal meeting because you feel compelled is unlikely to yield a positive resolution for all parties.
In comparison, an external mediator asking this question is looking to help participants get to the root cause of their upset. It ensures people proceeding to a joint session are doing so because they’re genuine about wanting to try and resolve the issue.
What if you did do or say X?
A mediator is never going to tell someone what they should do, but they can challenge the potential impacts of certain actions or, indeed, inactions. They can help the individual think through what might happen next, what else they might need to consider, and whether a particular course of action would truly get the result they’re hoping for. An internal mediator can’t do that and remain impartial.
What’s led you to believe that?
A mediator can gently challenge someone’s way of thinking, test whether assumptions are being made or check whether perception and reality are blurred.
Participants are encouraged to communicate in a meaningful way, without judgement and with the full reassurance of a confidential setting. If asked internally, participants may become defensive, feel they’re being accused of lying, or worry about divulging things about themselves they want to stay private. As a result, they stay quiet.
The costs and benefits of external mediation
External mediation isn’t free, but its cost often far outweighs the alternative, because it resolves the issue quicker and helps people move on.
ACAS estimates workplace conflict costs UK businesses £30 billion per year, including lost productivity, absence, internal costs of managing the situation, litigation. Yet many organisations still exhaust internal procedures before considering getting external support.
The problem with this, is the longer an issue lasts, the less likely it is to be resolved. People become entrenched in unhelpful perspectives, they get caught up in the emotions of what’s happening, and managers and HR can forget there is a person at the centre of everything with feelings that need support.
Introducing external mediation more quickly allows the courageous questions to be asked. It also enables your employee to be courageous and just say what they really need, so you can work through whether it’s possible to achieve that.
It also helps the parties to get back to working together effectively more quickly, reducing time lost through unnecessary arguments, people taking sides, and rumours causing distractions along the way.
Getting external support
You can read more about external mediation and how it works in “External mediation – why it can be great for business”, or call me today 01278 802329 for a confidential conversation about the conflict you’re seeing in your business and how to get the help you need.